The 'Skinny Girl's' Lament

Look at that, two posts in one day. I guess that's a tribute both to how dedicated to restarting this blog I am, and also to how little I have to do at the moment.

Ok, so let me give you some back story for those of you that didn't know me back in my somewhat awkward teenage years. I was always a pretty skinny girl. We're talking size double zero, no curves, people accusing me of anorexia kind of skinny. I didn't get boobs until university, and I was under 110 pounds until around-about that time as well. This was by no choice of mine, for I could scarf down a bigmac and fries along with the best of them. At first I hated my scrawniness, then just learned to accept it.

When I started getting hips and my jeans stopped fitting properly (in my early 20's), I may have cried a bit but then just accepted that this is what happens when you turn into a women. For the most part I was still considered "skinny" and most people rolled their eyes when I complained about my pants not fitting. I had a number in my head of the weight I needed to start "worrying" at, and I still had lots of wiggle room before I would ever get there. No big deal.

Well, here lies the issue. Lately I have been noticing I've been putting on some pounds in the uh, spare tire region? So, I did what any woman has been trained to do: I stepped on the scale. Uh-oh, remember that magical "worry" weight I just mentioned? I've crossed it. Now this itself is not really the major issue, the issue I have is how people react when I tell them that I am concerned about gaining more weight. In society today, I am probably still smaller than a large portion of the general population. I am actually still in the "healthy" body fat ratio and I would certainly not consider myself obese. BUT I have reached a point where I am concerned that I am at the tip of a very slippery slope and if I don't make a point of changing the route I am going I will skid all the way to the bottom. Essentially, I am aware that I need to start making healthier choices.

You're probably still wondering where my problem is. I expected this from the beginning, you're probably thinking "aw, the girl that has been skinny all her life has put on some pounds and now she's sad. Boo hoo hoo". This is my big fear. Our society is preoccupied with discussing weight and body image, and then when I try to join the conversation I get eye rolls and "oh come on"s. My point is, don't hate the skinny girl. Just because naturally our ideal body weight may be at a lower range than yours (I would say my ideal weight is probably somewhere around 125 pounds, based on observation. I know there are a lot of women out there who would be skin and bones at this weight), doesn't mean that you should ridicule us when we mention how we wish we could get in better shape or make healthier choices. We're all fighting the same battle here!

Now, with all of that in mind, let me tell you of the big personal battle I am currently undertaking. The one that is keeping me up at night, gives me headaches and makes me sweat (literally!). I have a major coke addiction. Not cocaine you fool, Coca-cola. I love it. As soon as I crack open a can a wave of euphoria comes over me. I wish I was exaggerating. I also love food. Cheesy food. Fattening food. But it is time (as my body has started telling me) that I start making healthier choices. So I have cut Coke (mostly) out of my diet. I am limiting myself to one or two a week. Primarily I will be drinking lemon water. I may also begin cutting out the cheesy, fattening foods I love. This will make me cranky. The lack of Coke makes me antsy. I will be a twitching, over-reacting lunatic until my body adjusts. Please don't hold it against me. Please don't roll your eyes at me when I tell you that I am trying to be healthier/skinnier. I am on the same quest for a happy body image that we all are. I am still finding it really hard.

Please don't hate me for wanting to be the skinny girl. Or if I succeed and my ass starts looking good in a bikini again.