Look at that, two posts in one day. I guess that's a tribute both to how dedicated to restarting this blog I am, and also to how little I have to do at the moment.
Ok, so let me give you some back story for those of you that didn't know me back in my somewhat awkward teenage years. I was always a pretty skinny girl. We're talking size double zero, no curves, people accusing me of anorexia kind of skinny. I didn't get boobs until university, and I was under 110 pounds until around-about that time as well. This was by no choice of mine, for I could scarf down a bigmac and fries along with the best of them. At first I hated my scrawniness, then just learned to accept it.
When I started getting hips and my jeans stopped fitting properly (in my early 20's), I may have cried a bit but then just accepted that this is what happens when you turn into a women. For the most part I was still considered "skinny" and most people rolled their eyes when I complained about my pants not fitting. I had a number in my head of the weight I needed to start "worrying" at, and I still had lots of wiggle room before I would ever get there. No big deal.
Well, here lies the issue. Lately I have been noticing I've been putting on some pounds in the uh, spare tire region? So, I did what any woman has been trained to do: I stepped on the scale. Uh-oh, remember that magical "worry" weight I just mentioned? I've crossed it. Now this itself is not really the major issue, the issue I have is how people react when I tell them that I am concerned about gaining more weight. In society today, I am probably still smaller than a large portion of the general population. I am actually still in the "healthy" body fat ratio and I would certainly not consider myself obese. BUT I have reached a point where I am concerned that I am at the tip of a very slippery slope and if I don't make a point of changing the route I am going I will skid all the way to the bottom. Essentially, I am aware that I need to start making healthier choices.
You're probably still wondering where my problem is. I expected this from the beginning, you're probably thinking "aw, the girl that has been skinny all her life has put on some pounds and now she's sad. Boo hoo hoo". This is my big fear. Our society is preoccupied with discussing weight and body image, and then when I try to join the conversation I get eye rolls and "oh come on"s. My point is, don't hate the skinny girl. Just because naturally our ideal body weight may be at a lower range than yours (I would say my ideal weight is probably somewhere around 125 pounds, based on observation. I know there are a lot of women out there who would be skin and bones at this weight), doesn't mean that you should ridicule us when we mention how we wish we could get in better shape or make healthier choices. We're all fighting the same battle here!
Now, with all of that in mind, let me tell you of the big personal battle I am currently undertaking. The one that is keeping me up at night, gives me headaches and makes me sweat (literally!). I have a major coke addiction. Not cocaine you fool, Coca-cola. I love it. As soon as I crack open a can a wave of euphoria comes over me. I wish I was exaggerating. I also love food. Cheesy food. Fattening food. But it is time (as my body has started telling me) that I start making healthier choices. So I have cut Coke (mostly) out of my diet. I am limiting myself to one or two a week. Primarily I will be drinking lemon water. I may also begin cutting out the cheesy, fattening foods I love. This will make me cranky. The lack of Coke makes me antsy. I will be a twitching, over-reacting lunatic until my body adjusts. Please don't hold it against me. Please don't roll your eyes at me when I tell you that I am trying to be healthier/skinnier. I am on the same quest for a happy body image that we all are. I am still finding it really hard.
Please don't hate me for wanting to be the skinny girl. Or if I succeed and my ass starts looking good in a bikini again.
Tuesday 28 February 2012
Well, hello again...
Ok, so I know it has been a LONG time since I have blogged. In fact, if you look back my last post was on Remembrance Day. Now, a few people (most notably my dad) have asked me while I have been on this hiatus why it is that I haven't been blogging as of late. So I offer you an explanation of sorts:
Reason #1: I have been unemployed.
Ok, so not really unemployed. I left my old job at the animal shelter in order to go work back in private practice. The practice is owned by a friend of mine and the possibility to move on and work for him came along right about the time I needed it. Although for the most part I loved (and still love) the shelter, I found that constantly seeing the uncared for and suffering animals being brought in was making me lose my faith in society a little. I read somewhere a while back that every tech should "work in a private practice, but leave before they get soft. Work in a shelter, but leave before they get hard" (or something along those lines). I'm looking forward to softening myself back up a bit. Anyway, I haven't really been employed but I took some time off between the two jobs to relax and refresh my brain a bit before starting into my new job. Now, I know you are probably thinking that this should have left me MORE time to be updating my blog, but in doing so you are completely underestimating my capacity to do nothing. Unless, of course, you consider sitting on the couch watching TV or working on jigsaw puzzles something, in which case I have simply been too terribly busy to write.
Reason #2: I'm not a know-it-all.
I worried a bit while reading some previous posts that I sounded a little... pompous? I assure you, I am no expert on how to live your life. Admittedly, the way I have chosen to live mine thus far has worked out pretty damn well for me, but I am sure that someone could make the complete opposite choices and be just as happy with their own life. I assure you, dear reader, that I don't think myself any better than you and I am sorry if it came across in any other way. I credit this realization partly to a recent viral video that was making its way around the internet. At one small part in the video it made reference to the author's belief that a marriage could not be successful unless it was built around a certain religious figure. My own marriage not being built around that certain religious figure, I was SO INSULTED. How dare he?!? How dare he discredit not only my own marriage but the thousands of thousands of other marriages worldwide that do not choose to worship that religious figure? How dare he assume that we will all fail for this one particular reason? Then I realized that this was only his own particular view, and because it works for him (although I am not even sure that the young man in the video is, in fact, married) he assumes it to be the ultimate truth. I kind of do the same thing, so I can't really judge him. Truth be told, I am still a little insulted, but to each his own. Anyway, I will point out again that this blog is based only on my own personal opinions, if you choose not to agree then I'm not really going to hold it against you.
Reason #3: A little thing called censorship.
I don't know if any of you have dealt with this personally, but censorship is a horrible horrible thing. Without going into it in a whole lot of detail, a while back I got myself in a bit of trouble for something that I said on Facebook. Now, this thing in particular was very clearly the opinion of myself and not anyone else but someone in a position close to me got offended and reacted as if I had slapped them in the face. The result was that I was told to no longer post any opinions on Facebook or suffer the (major) consequences. The part I really didn't get was that I was told I could share these opinions publicly in any other way, just not on Facebook. So really, the blog wasn't specifically named as being somewhere that I couldn't post the same opinions, but I chose to stop writing here as well until I felt I could write a sane entry without ranting about the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms and how I had been violated. Anyway, I have figured out a way to no longer live my life in fear of prosecution, so blog is back on.
Reason #4: I haven't really had that much of interest to talk about.
When I started this blog, I told my husband that I think "professional blogger" has become my dream job (my old dream job was to be the taste tester at an ice cream factory. I am not even sure that position actually exists). My husband pointed out that it would not be so easy to come up with a daily topic to write about, and I laughed at him (those of you who went to junior high with me might remember the 'Amanda's Story of the Day'). Well, in reality, it turns out that he was quite right. Although there are multiple things that occur in my daily life that interest me, it seems that the average blog reader may not find it interesting at all. In fact, the most exciting piece of news I had lately was that my friend Alex (star of this blog entry) was going to move out west and in with us. Alas, he decided en-route out west to stay in Toronto and therefore destroying my only bit of excitement. Did I mention what a shitty friend he is? (I am joking of course, but he feels kind of shitty about it and thus I have to make a jab at him a little. I'm a good friend like that). Anyway, what I am trying to say is I don't have a whole lot going on, however it occurs to me that if you're reading this, you probably don't either!
So, there you have it. I promise there will be more posts in regards to my mundane life coming soon.
Reason #1: I have been unemployed.
Ok, so not really unemployed. I left my old job at the animal shelter in order to go work back in private practice. The practice is owned by a friend of mine and the possibility to move on and work for him came along right about the time I needed it. Although for the most part I loved (and still love) the shelter, I found that constantly seeing the uncared for and suffering animals being brought in was making me lose my faith in society a little. I read somewhere a while back that every tech should "work in a private practice, but leave before they get soft. Work in a shelter, but leave before they get hard" (or something along those lines). I'm looking forward to softening myself back up a bit. Anyway, I haven't really been employed but I took some time off between the two jobs to relax and refresh my brain a bit before starting into my new job. Now, I know you are probably thinking that this should have left me MORE time to be updating my blog, but in doing so you are completely underestimating my capacity to do nothing. Unless, of course, you consider sitting on the couch watching TV or working on jigsaw puzzles something, in which case I have simply been too terribly busy to write.
Reason #2: I'm not a know-it-all.
I worried a bit while reading some previous posts that I sounded a little... pompous? I assure you, I am no expert on how to live your life. Admittedly, the way I have chosen to live mine thus far has worked out pretty damn well for me, but I am sure that someone could make the complete opposite choices and be just as happy with their own life. I assure you, dear reader, that I don't think myself any better than you and I am sorry if it came across in any other way. I credit this realization partly to a recent viral video that was making its way around the internet. At one small part in the video it made reference to the author's belief that a marriage could not be successful unless it was built around a certain religious figure. My own marriage not being built around that certain religious figure, I was SO INSULTED. How dare he?!? How dare he discredit not only my own marriage but the thousands of thousands of other marriages worldwide that do not choose to worship that religious figure? How dare he assume that we will all fail for this one particular reason? Then I realized that this was only his own particular view, and because it works for him (although I am not even sure that the young man in the video is, in fact, married) he assumes it to be the ultimate truth. I kind of do the same thing, so I can't really judge him. Truth be told, I am still a little insulted, but to each his own. Anyway, I will point out again that this blog is based only on my own personal opinions, if you choose not to agree then I'm not really going to hold it against you.
Reason #3: A little thing called censorship.
I don't know if any of you have dealt with this personally, but censorship is a horrible horrible thing. Without going into it in a whole lot of detail, a while back I got myself in a bit of trouble for something that I said on Facebook. Now, this thing in particular was very clearly the opinion of myself and not anyone else but someone in a position close to me got offended and reacted as if I had slapped them in the face. The result was that I was told to no longer post any opinions on Facebook or suffer the (major) consequences. The part I really didn't get was that I was told I could share these opinions publicly in any other way, just not on Facebook. So really, the blog wasn't specifically named as being somewhere that I couldn't post the same opinions, but I chose to stop writing here as well until I felt I could write a sane entry without ranting about the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms and how I had been violated. Anyway, I have figured out a way to no longer live my life in fear of prosecution, so blog is back on.
Reason #4: I haven't really had that much of interest to talk about.
When I started this blog, I told my husband that I think "professional blogger" has become my dream job (my old dream job was to be the taste tester at an ice cream factory. I am not even sure that position actually exists). My husband pointed out that it would not be so easy to come up with a daily topic to write about, and I laughed at him (those of you who went to junior high with me might remember the 'Amanda's Story of the Day'). Well, in reality, it turns out that he was quite right. Although there are multiple things that occur in my daily life that interest me, it seems that the average blog reader may not find it interesting at all. In fact, the most exciting piece of news I had lately was that my friend Alex (star of this blog entry) was going to move out west and in with us. Alas, he decided en-route out west to stay in Toronto and therefore destroying my only bit of excitement. Did I mention what a shitty friend he is? (I am joking of course, but he feels kind of shitty about it and thus I have to make a jab at him a little. I'm a good friend like that). Anyway, what I am trying to say is I don't have a whole lot going on, however it occurs to me that if you're reading this, you probably don't either!
So, there you have it. I promise there will be more posts in regards to my mundane life coming soon.
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