One is Silver and the Other Gold

*Disclaimer* - I actually started writing this blog post once and then nixed it when it became this overly sentimental dribble. I'm rewriting now because I figure it's MY blog and I can write about whatever I feel like. So, on that note, enjoy!


Do you remember that song from elementary school? The one about making new friends? Well, just in case you don't have the knack of remembering pointless song lyrics that I do, I'll tell you:

Make new friends, but keep the old.
One is silver and the other gold.

Yes, that is correct, today's post is about friendships. More specifically the older ones, but I'll get to that in a moment. One thing I have noticed so far in my adult life is that it seems a lot harder to form friendships. I don't so much mean that it is hard to make friends, or friendly acquaintances at least, but those sort of tight knit friendships that you know will last through anything. I don't know if it's because we're all so busy with our family time, or what exactly is missing, but I feel like it's just a heck of a lot harder to form the kind of friends that you know have your back even when you feel like giving up on yourself. I find myself wondering quite often if other people notice this as they get older as well. If we're just a bunch of people wandering around looking for our next "bestie" but with too much pride to admit that sometimes we just feel like nobody "gets" us quite the way we wish they would. (At this point I would like to add another disclaimer that my husband totally gets me and supports me, but since he's now family I am not clumping him into the broadened "friend" category as he is so much more than any friend could be.)

I have known my very best friend for over 16 years now. Granted, I would say that we've only really been close friends for about 11 or 12 of those years, but that's still a pretty big deal when you're only 27 years-old in the first place, so it's basically half your lifetime. My best friend also lives over 5000km away and we haven't seen each other face-to-face in about 4 years. He's also a guy, which has had it's own fair share of complications. Growing up I think our friendship confused a lot of people in a way, and most likely my parents as well. I remember having to fight for the right to have him over when my parents weren't home because they feared all of the shenanigans we might be getting into. In truth, our friendship started out more as the fact that I kept dating all of his good friends and they kept moving away. I guess we ended up feeling more like we were both left behind and needed to fill that hole with someone else to hang out with, so we filled our days with thousands of games of ping-pong, pool, darts, air hockey, basketball, bowling... Whatever competitive thing we could think of and I would inevitably lose at (with the exception of darts, I totally rocked at darts). Anyway, sometimes the best friendships form out of the strangest situations, and this is where I found mine.

I've wondered time and time again what actually makes our friendship the most important one to me, and I think really what it comes down to is that he has NEVER let me down. I'll admit, I am stubborn and have not always been the easiest friend to get along with. When warned that I was likely not making the best dating decisions I always ignored his warnings and did my own thing anyway. Inevitably this would always lead to me getting my heart broken and when I found myself up late at night wanting to cry my heart out, guess who was there to offer me some kind words and to cheer me up the next day. When I was way too distracted to pull off a decent group project in my senior year, guess who threw my name on his project so I could get a perfect mark (to be fair, he totally owed me for years of allowing him to copy my lab reports!). Through the years I don't think he ever set up plans with me and canceled at the last minute, or ever said he was too busy if there was a time I needed him (and even on one occasion invited me over when it was a guy's game night but I was feeling down). Even now, as an adult, I know that I can always send an email if I need advice or just a listening ear.

The other side of it is that I have always felt that I can be myself. I mean my true self. We might tease each other or (more in my case) roll our eyes, but the truth of the matter is that we are friends because we actually like who the other person truly is. I am not sure if that actually makes sense. What I am trying to get at is sometimes it seems like people in a social setting are fake. Like they are trying to better than everyone else, or fit some sort of image that they are trying to portray. With my best friend I am a complete and utter loser and he still wants to hang out with me.

This isn't to say it's always been easy. We've had some times when we've talked less, and one argument that almost cost us our friendship (but it turns out he was COMPLETELY right). We've had some times where our significant others at the time maybe didn't so much approve of our friendship with a member of the opposite sex. We've even had some times where maybe one of us thought there was the potential for something more than just friendship. But through it all our friendship has persevered and maybe even grown stronger. It is in fact all of this history that has made the friendship golden. When I look back at the years that have gone by I can't imagine going trough it all without him, and when I look towards the future I can't imagine not having him there to listen to me complain about the woes of married life (just kidding!).

So, to all you blog readers (all what, 4 or 5 of you?), here is my recommendation. Yes, make new friends. And in fact, some of those new friends will be darn good ones. But hold on to those old friends too. They're the ones that have helped to make you who you really and truly are, and the ones that will always be there for you when you need it most. The extra effort it may require to stay in touch is definitely worth it.
 
And to Alex? Happy Birthday and thanks for being the best friend a dorky girl could ask for. You really are like the big brother I never had. I love you and look forward to many, many more years of our friendship.

Amanda