Today is Remembrance Day in Canada, a day to remember and honor the men and women who serve this country and who protect it regardless of the risk involved. It's a day that some people take to heart, and to others is just a day off of work (if they're even that lucky). To me it's a day that I always seem to end up in tears. Tears of pride? Tears of sorrow? I can't quite seem to pinpoint the exact cause, but as soon as I hear those notes of the Last Post I can feel them well up.
My family always lived near military bases while I was growing up, but we didn't really have any actual affiliation with the military. My grandfather was once in the navy but died when I was rather young and I don't recall him telling us any stories of what it was like. My knowledge of the military and military life mostly came from the fact that many of my friends had one or more parents who were actively serving. I remember hearing about them coming and going on missions but never really grasped exactly what risks they were taking. As I grew older, all three of my boyfriends in my high-school years had fathers in the military. It was sometime during this stretch that I really started to grasp the level of sacrifice that they were making. These fathers would sometimes get to spend only small amounts of time at home, sometimes would even have to leave without really being able to give the full details on where they were deployed to. I wondered where the wives got their strength, kissing their husbands goodbye and continuing with their lives like "normal", while I am sure they were constantly waiting for that next phonecall or communication to tell them that their husband was safe.
One other thing I started to see was how these men were looked up to. Of those three boyfriends I had, two of them went on to join the military themselves. Both have served time in Afghanistan, and one was even awarded the Medal of Military Valour (the third-highest award for valour in Canada). It is through my continued friendship with these men that I have come to understand the actual sacrifice that they make. Sacrifice goes so much further than whether or not they lose their life while serving our country. It is the hours and days that they spend apart from their loved ones. The missed birthdays and anniversaries, missed first steps and words, missed band concerts and sporting events. Sacrifice is knowing that while you're away your family grows up without you and that when you return you may have grown in different directions. Sacrifice is that you may never sleep peacefully again, never be able to concentrate properly on mundane tasks, might never be able to feel "normal" again. Sacrifice is doing and risking all of this to not necessarily even be protecting your own country, but the people of a different country who are less fortunate.
As much as we as a country like to pretend that we honor these soldiers and the sacrifices they make, the truth is that I am left wondering how much we truly do. Emotional and physical scars remain far after the soldier has returned home. Treatment of PTSD is often hard to obtain. Many soldiers still suffer in silence, turning instead to drugs and alcohol. The father of a friend recently had to fight for the funding of his treatment of cancer that he developed as a direct result of his service in the military. We hold ONE DAY of services a year to honor these people, and still often there are people that aren't willing to even spend that small amount of time to pay their respects. How many people don't take part in the ceremonies because it's cold, or it's long and "boring", or because they'd just rather sleep in. How many of us take for granted how comfortable and unrestricted our lives are, because these soldiers are willing to fight to protect our freedoms for us?
We are so lucky to live in a country where we are free. We have the right to vote for a government that won't be filled with tyranny. We have the right to say what we think, go where we want to go, do what we want to do. With very few exceptions, we are safe to walk our streets without the fear of being beaten. We live in a country where we strive for equality and acceptance regardless of religion, race, or sexuality. We have all of this and yet because we have it every day, and have likely known nothing else, we take it for granted. Will it take us losing these freedoms to realize just how important they are?
I watched the ceremonies on TV this year, the whole time feeling guilty that I didn't actually take the time to get up early, bundle up and go to the outdoor ceremony this year. When I heard that trumpet play the last post my eyes once again welled up. In those two minutes of silence my head was filled with thanks for the people that every day do the things that I am far too cowardly to do myself. I hope that all of you reading took time to do the same. If you didn't, I encourage you to do it now. All I am asking are for those two minutes, but perhaps you can do more. Maybe two hours? Two days? Maybe, just maybe, you can be thankful for them every day. Maybe every day should be one where we stop and remember.
Friday 11 November 2011
Tuesday 8 November 2011
I'm the Best Parent in the World
You know what's great about not having children? In my head, I am the best parent in the world. My husband and I have these kind of conversations all the time, well, at least commonly after we've been in the presence of somebody else's children. Basically, our theoretical children would be perfect angels, not the type that are screaming during dinner, throwing sand at the park, or running up and down the isles during a wedding. This of course, brought on by our superior parenting skills.
Ok, so obviously I know realistically this will probably NEVER happen. Our children will likely scream with the best of them, say naughty words, and they probably are going to pick their nose at your dinner table if you invite us over. One day, when we actually do have kids, you can point all of this out to me and say "haha, look who fails at parenting the model children". I get it. For now, however, I am free to judge all I want, and judge I will.
My single biggest complaint with parents today is this: Stop making them grow up so fast and let them just be kids! This rant is mostly sparked from my recent experience with this past Halloween. As a kid, I loved Halloween. It was a time to dress up as whatever I wanted, play goofy games at parties, hang out with my friends, and gain some candy out of it. So, as an adult, I feel the need to try to make Halloween just as much fun for kids today as it was for me when I was growing up. And one of the things that made it so much fun going trick-or-treating was that all the houses were done up with decorations, and then there were a few really spooky ones that were always good for a scare. So this year (and the previous years to a somewhat lesser extent), we aimed to be that house. We're talking spider webs, red lightbulbs, strobelight, even a smoke machine. Husband was popping out of the garage with a fake chainsaw to really give the kids a scare. We were pumped. Then we waited. And waited. Finally, our first two kids came, and they thought everything was awesome. I am bursting with pride! After that, kids were kind of into it, but basically just were going through the motions of coming up to the door. I don't even know if I heard a single "trick-or-treat!" What happened to the fun of Halloween? Is it because parents today are to willing to give candy whenever the kids want it? We only had I think 17 kids all night, and most of those seemed bored. My other thought was that about 3 days earlier while driving home, my husband and I saw multiple kids in costume with their parents, trudging into a school for what I assume was one of those "safe" Halloween parties. You know, kind of like trick-or-treating at the mall. There's no razorblades in the candy, no murderers hiding around the corner waiting to snatch your children away. I am really hoping (but fearful) that the reason for this decline of interest isn't because the parents are too scared of letting their kids run door to door.
I get it, the murderers and the crazy people exist. But I refuse to believe that they exist in greater numbers than when you or I were little. When I was growing up, we checked all of our candy as soon as we got home, and anything that looked partially unwrapped or otherwise sketchy we threw out. But we NEVER found a razor blade, and we NEVER got approached by sketchy people while we were out collecting our goods. Even if we were, there were always plenty of houses we could run to, because EVERY house had its light on, and there were plenty of parents taking their young kids door to door anyway that would be more than willing to step in to protect us. So why are we so scared today? The only thing I can come up with is that parents just get these unfounded fears that these things are going to happen, and then spark the fear in other parents, and then next thing you know little Billy can't go trick-or-treating because the world is a scary place and boogeymen are going to come out and get him. People start shutting off their lights and don't give out candy anymore. Less kids with their parents are on the streets. And next thing you know, it's not safe for kids to be running around on their own anymore, because there's no longer those safe places to turn to if there ever was a situation where they needed it.
Ok, so I may be over-reacting a little bit, and I am also getting off-topic. I should point out that 1 street down from me apparently got lots of kids, so maybe even Halloween is alive and well. But my point is that this trend seems to be stretching well beyond Halloween. Parents seem to be way more fearful today than they were back when I was being raised. They're afraid of letting them in the backyard alone because what if someone snatches them. They're afraid of letting them crawl around on the monkeybars if there's gravel underneath because what if they skin a knee? They're afraid of letting them eat a hotdog because what about all of the preservatives?? (I recently tried all-natural hotdogs, and they taste about the same actually, but I'm still resentful that I have to eat them). And oh the germs, won't someone grab the hand sanitizer because what about all of the germs out there?!? With all of this additional parental anxiety that never seemed to exist when we were younger, is it any surprise that "our" children seem to be becoming more and more anxious? There are kids these days that are ending up on anti-anxiety medications at ages where their biggest worry should be if little Tommy is going to pull their hair again or if not-so-little Susan has a crush on them.
I simply think maybe kids are just being asked to grow up too fast in general. "We" are dressing them to look like us at a younger age, with designer clothes and a trendy look, when they're at an age where they should be content to just pick out any t-shirt and jeans to run around in. Kids are wearing makeup and high-heels before they even know what the periodic table is. "We" are pushing them to learn faster (Baby Einstein?), work younger (12 year-olds with a job, really?), and make adult decisions at a far younger age than ever before. Is it any wonder that they take that as meaning at 15 and 16 they're an adult? Is there any wonder why they're having sex at 12 (I shudder at that thought!), drinking at 14, and wanting to move out at 16? Is it any wonder why they don't want to do anything as "babyish" as trick-or-treating? Why, when they act like kids, should they get teased by their peers?
I hope my kids still want to go trick-or-treating at 14. I hope at 12 they want to spend their time running around outside with their friends rather than earning money at a job. I hope at 8 they want to pick out the most ridiculous, mismatched outfits they can find. Every October 31st I hope we have the most spooky house on the block, the most decked-out house at Christmas and the most hidden eggs at Easter. I hope they climb as high as they can on those monkeybars, play in the dirt to their heart's content, and eat hotdogs until their bellies are full. I hope all of this because I hope most of all that when our kids become adults they can look back at their childhood and know that they had the chance to enjoy it and just be a kid.
Because, let's face it, once you become an adult you really miss those days of not having to worry about any of the big stuff.
Ok, so obviously I know realistically this will probably NEVER happen. Our children will likely scream with the best of them, say naughty words, and they probably are going to pick their nose at your dinner table if you invite us over. One day, when we actually do have kids, you can point all of this out to me and say "haha, look who fails at parenting the model children". I get it. For now, however, I am free to judge all I want, and judge I will.
My single biggest complaint with parents today is this: Stop making them grow up so fast and let them just be kids! This rant is mostly sparked from my recent experience with this past Halloween. As a kid, I loved Halloween. It was a time to dress up as whatever I wanted, play goofy games at parties, hang out with my friends, and gain some candy out of it. So, as an adult, I feel the need to try to make Halloween just as much fun for kids today as it was for me when I was growing up. And one of the things that made it so much fun going trick-or-treating was that all the houses were done up with decorations, and then there were a few really spooky ones that were always good for a scare. So this year (and the previous years to a somewhat lesser extent), we aimed to be that house. We're talking spider webs, red lightbulbs, strobelight, even a smoke machine. Husband was popping out of the garage with a fake chainsaw to really give the kids a scare. We were pumped. Then we waited. And waited. Finally, our first two kids came, and they thought everything was awesome. I am bursting with pride! After that, kids were kind of into it, but basically just were going through the motions of coming up to the door. I don't even know if I heard a single "trick-or-treat!" What happened to the fun of Halloween? Is it because parents today are to willing to give candy whenever the kids want it? We only had I think 17 kids all night, and most of those seemed bored. My other thought was that about 3 days earlier while driving home, my husband and I saw multiple kids in costume with their parents, trudging into a school for what I assume was one of those "safe" Halloween parties. You know, kind of like trick-or-treating at the mall. There's no razorblades in the candy, no murderers hiding around the corner waiting to snatch your children away. I am really hoping (but fearful) that the reason for this decline of interest isn't because the parents are too scared of letting their kids run door to door.
I get it, the murderers and the crazy people exist. But I refuse to believe that they exist in greater numbers than when you or I were little. When I was growing up, we checked all of our candy as soon as we got home, and anything that looked partially unwrapped or otherwise sketchy we threw out. But we NEVER found a razor blade, and we NEVER got approached by sketchy people while we were out collecting our goods. Even if we were, there were always plenty of houses we could run to, because EVERY house had its light on, and there were plenty of parents taking their young kids door to door anyway that would be more than willing to step in to protect us. So why are we so scared today? The only thing I can come up with is that parents just get these unfounded fears that these things are going to happen, and then spark the fear in other parents, and then next thing you know little Billy can't go trick-or-treating because the world is a scary place and boogeymen are going to come out and get him. People start shutting off their lights and don't give out candy anymore. Less kids with their parents are on the streets. And next thing you know, it's not safe for kids to be running around on their own anymore, because there's no longer those safe places to turn to if there ever was a situation where they needed it.
Ok, so I may be over-reacting a little bit, and I am also getting off-topic. I should point out that 1 street down from me apparently got lots of kids, so maybe even Halloween is alive and well. But my point is that this trend seems to be stretching well beyond Halloween. Parents seem to be way more fearful today than they were back when I was being raised. They're afraid of letting them in the backyard alone because what if someone snatches them. They're afraid of letting them crawl around on the monkeybars if there's gravel underneath because what if they skin a knee? They're afraid of letting them eat a hotdog because what about all of the preservatives?? (I recently tried all-natural hotdogs, and they taste about the same actually, but I'm still resentful that I have to eat them). And oh the germs, won't someone grab the hand sanitizer because what about all of the germs out there?!? With all of this additional parental anxiety that never seemed to exist when we were younger, is it any surprise that "our" children seem to be becoming more and more anxious? There are kids these days that are ending up on anti-anxiety medications at ages where their biggest worry should be if little Tommy is going to pull their hair again or if not-so-little Susan has a crush on them.
I simply think maybe kids are just being asked to grow up too fast in general. "We" are dressing them to look like us at a younger age, with designer clothes and a trendy look, when they're at an age where they should be content to just pick out any t-shirt and jeans to run around in. Kids are wearing makeup and high-heels before they even know what the periodic table is. "We" are pushing them to learn faster (Baby Einstein?), work younger (12 year-olds with a job, really?), and make adult decisions at a far younger age than ever before. Is it any wonder that they take that as meaning at 15 and 16 they're an adult? Is there any wonder why they're having sex at 12 (I shudder at that thought!), drinking at 14, and wanting to move out at 16? Is it any wonder why they don't want to do anything as "babyish" as trick-or-treating? Why, when they act like kids, should they get teased by their peers?
I hope my kids still want to go trick-or-treating at 14. I hope at 12 they want to spend their time running around outside with their friends rather than earning money at a job. I hope at 8 they want to pick out the most ridiculous, mismatched outfits they can find. Every October 31st I hope we have the most spooky house on the block, the most decked-out house at Christmas and the most hidden eggs at Easter. I hope they climb as high as they can on those monkeybars, play in the dirt to their heart's content, and eat hotdogs until their bellies are full. I hope all of this because I hope most of all that when our kids become adults they can look back at their childhood and know that they had the chance to enjoy it and just be a kid.
Because, let's face it, once you become an adult you really miss those days of not having to worry about any of the big stuff.
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